Friendship is one of the few human experiences that can outlast this life. It is a gift. Long-term friendship is a rare treasure. Much has been written about how to initiate, develop, and maintain friendship. Cute suggestions often include surprises under pillows, notes on the steering wheel, and cards sent on special holidays. But the best kind of friendship often begins quite by accident between not-so-similar people and develops rather sporadically over time in the daily grind of life.
When forced into the crucible of life, great friendships, as the Skin Horse said in The Velveteen Rabbit, "don't have to be carefully kept." No one keeps track of who sent the last letter or who had whom over for dinner. Great friends don't get miffed if you don't call for two days, two weeks, or two months. Whenever you do get to be together, you can just pick up where you left off as if no time has lapsed at all. Yet, you know a great friend will be there for you when push comes to shove.
Over the years, you gather a whole collection of times when a friend was there for you or when you saw a friend through a crisis. These occasions become silken threads that, once collected, are woven into strong ties that bind. In the book Friends for the Journey, written with her friend Luci Shaw, Madeleine L'Engle writes, "On television we see instant love. But friendship, like all fine things, needs time for ripening. We need to believe in it, knowing that we are all human creatures who make mistakes, even with (or perhaps especially with) those we love. We need forbearance and patience and love." (Copyright ©2003 Regent College Publishing)
Proverbs says a great deal about friends: how to be one, how to recognize one. A friend is, for one thing, consistent and doesn’t “wimp out” when things get uncomfortable. As wise Solomon put it, “A friend loves at all times, and ... is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17 NIV). Friends don't desert you when the circumstances change or cave in when there are problems (yours, theirs, or between you). On the contrary, a real friendship kicks into high gear when there is big trouble.
A friend does not "kiss up" to you. In fact, a real friend loves you enough to tell you the truth even if it means risking your friendship. But beware of the flatterer, the person who tells you you're great, agrees with all your opinions, and praises all your courses of action. That person wants something! And he or she is no friend. It is always better to choose an honest critic than a manipulating flatterer who seems to want to meet your every need. As Proverbs puts it, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Prov. 27:6 NIV). A friend loves you before, during, and after you're "somebody."
A friend is a healer. Being around a true friend is like rubbing your chapped hands with fine cream, or as I like to say, a friend is Lancôme for the soul! Proverbs 27:9 says, "Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul" (The Message). A friend causes you to grow as a person, as a Christian, and as a citizen. A real friend will expand your eternal perspective and cause you to notice and love the enduring things of life.
A great friend sees you through the hard times but doesn't leave you there. He or she will encourage you to go on to the good things, the true things, the lasting things. Paul was that kind of friend when he wrote:
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious--the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.... Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” (Philippians 4:8-9 The Message)
Finally, it is good to remember that even the best human friends fail. But there is a Friend who will never let you down, will never shade the truth, will never desert you when the going gets tough. This Friend could have chosen to call us many things--servants, subjects, underlings--because He was after all, God, living on our turf. But (He said it Himself) He chose to call us friends! God calls us friends!
Bill and I have had a blessed life. We have loved each other. We have had the privilege of parenting three great kids and grandparenting seven grandkids. We have traveled the world over and seen some great places. We have shared some amazing experiences. But the greatest treasure of our lives is the gift of some wonderful, true, honest, long-term friends (some of which are our kids) and the joy of walking through this life hand-in-hand with the One who chose to call Bill and Gloria Gaither His friends.
Thank You, Lord, for friends.
Through the passages of life, good friends walk with us.
Through beauty and vitality,
through the loss of energy and elasticity,
through stellar achievement
and through embarrassing failure, friends remain.
Friends give when there is need –
They celebrate and enjoy with us,
when there is abundance.
They laugh at our jokes and our foibles.
They cry at our griefs and at our sadnesses.
Friends pick up the pieces we leave,
they take up the slack when we're careless,
and they make up the difference when we come up short.
They listen when we tell them something …
and they hear when we don't.
They love our kids, tolerate our dogs, and accept our spouses.
Lord of all the sweet relationships of earth,
thank You for the gift of a few good friends.
And, most of all, thank You for choosing to be One for us
who were and are so in need of one True Friend.
